Terrific post, Heather. It's funny because my wife and I both work in female dominated spaces and we often talk about how we wish communication was more direct, especially when it comes to tough subjects like discipline. Now imagine how a child must feel if everyone in his or her life talks to them like a soft spoken mother in this passive, agreeable tone all the time. It'll drive them mad. Sometimes, you need to be told, in no uncertain terms, what you are doing is unacceptable and if it continues, there'll be strict consequences.
Heather, I appreciate your wisdom. I do have some clarifying questions, though.
When faced with moments of "stronger emotion" with a child, is being able to temper emotions and respond with gentleness a sign of weakness, or of strength of character?
Which is more masculine - and which is more Christlike? To display anger, or exercise restraint in a moment of anger?
Where does "harsh" parenting fit with the fruit of the spirit? Specifically patience, gentleness, and self-control?
Is the role of the parent to a child to mirror the role of God to his children? (Or more bluntly, is the parent to be like God to their children?)
Is there a time when a mother should step in during times of stronger emotion, when raised voices and angry expressions are harmful to their children?
Do you believe that a parent can place boundaries with gentle loving firmness and still prepare their child for responsible adulthood, able to face the storms of life?
I see your heart in this, but have concerns about the dichotomy being presented when it comes to the result of different types of parenting. Though I know it's not your intent, I am also concerned about the way some of your words could be interpreted as license for dads to be verbally or emotionally abusive because "dads should be allowed to be dads."
Our culture, especially in past generations, has discouraged men to show any emotion, with the exception of anger. This is not healthy or Christlike. The current parenting culture may be swinging toward coddling and sparing children from difficult emotions in response, but that doesn't make old-school fatherhood the "right way" either.
Mothers and fathers will undoubtedly parent differently, but they still need to work together as a team. We should be striving to be Christlike, displaying the fruit of the Spirit, and putting to death our fleshly inst instincts to emulate our savior as we disciple our children. God may provide consequences for sin, but scripture tells us his kindness leads us to repentance.
I appreciate your comment and thoughts. And I hope I clearly addressed my thoughts on this being taken to an extreme. As an abuse survivor, I shiver at the thought of giving license to anyone to cause harm to a child.
I agree with all of your points on firmness and restraint, but when I reflect on Scripture, I very much see that there is a time and a place for righteous anger. It has its uses, and the primary use is to shock the wayward sinner into an awareness of the severity of their transgression. I know that the application of this is an uncomfortable tension for modern believers but yes-- standing in awe of authority (especially authority that has witnessed sin) is Biblical.
I think we probably align more than it seems on the surface. I don't think a man whose knee-jerk response is explosion is in any way reflecting Christ. But I don't think he must be stripped of raw emotion or "tamed" to be a good dad, either.
I agree with your point here. I do have a question, do you think that it lessens the respect that a child has for their mother, if the behavior (slacking on chores, talking back) is not firmly and strongly addressed by the mother at the time? I could be missing the point, and maybe you are saying that it should be, but then the father will also back up the mother when he gets home (which I also agree with). Just a curious question from someone who is not a mother, so I obviously don't have experience in this department.
I think that every relationship can and should be unique. Just as we value what makes our kids special, they will value what makes each parent special and cultivate a relationship (and respect) that reflects that.
Terrific post, Heather. It's funny because my wife and I both work in female dominated spaces and we often talk about how we wish communication was more direct, especially when it comes to tough subjects like discipline. Now imagine how a child must feel if everyone in his or her life talks to them like a soft spoken mother in this passive, agreeable tone all the time. It'll drive them mad. Sometimes, you need to be told, in no uncertain terms, what you are doing is unacceptable and if it continues, there'll be strict consequences.
Heather, I appreciate your wisdom. I do have some clarifying questions, though.
When faced with moments of "stronger emotion" with a child, is being able to temper emotions and respond with gentleness a sign of weakness, or of strength of character?
Which is more masculine - and which is more Christlike? To display anger, or exercise restraint in a moment of anger?
Where does "harsh" parenting fit with the fruit of the spirit? Specifically patience, gentleness, and self-control?
Is the role of the parent to a child to mirror the role of God to his children? (Or more bluntly, is the parent to be like God to their children?)
Is there a time when a mother should step in during times of stronger emotion, when raised voices and angry expressions are harmful to their children?
Do you believe that a parent can place boundaries with gentle loving firmness and still prepare their child for responsible adulthood, able to face the storms of life?
I see your heart in this, but have concerns about the dichotomy being presented when it comes to the result of different types of parenting. Though I know it's not your intent, I am also concerned about the way some of your words could be interpreted as license for dads to be verbally or emotionally abusive because "dads should be allowed to be dads."
Our culture, especially in past generations, has discouraged men to show any emotion, with the exception of anger. This is not healthy or Christlike. The current parenting culture may be swinging toward coddling and sparing children from difficult emotions in response, but that doesn't make old-school fatherhood the "right way" either.
Mothers and fathers will undoubtedly parent differently, but they still need to work together as a team. We should be striving to be Christlike, displaying the fruit of the Spirit, and putting to death our fleshly inst instincts to emulate our savior as we disciple our children. God may provide consequences for sin, but scripture tells us his kindness leads us to repentance.
I appreciate your comment and thoughts. And I hope I clearly addressed my thoughts on this being taken to an extreme. As an abuse survivor, I shiver at the thought of giving license to anyone to cause harm to a child.
I agree with all of your points on firmness and restraint, but when I reflect on Scripture, I very much see that there is a time and a place for righteous anger. It has its uses, and the primary use is to shock the wayward sinner into an awareness of the severity of their transgression. I know that the application of this is an uncomfortable tension for modern believers but yes-- standing in awe of authority (especially authority that has witnessed sin) is Biblical.
I think we probably align more than it seems on the surface. I don't think a man whose knee-jerk response is explosion is in any way reflecting Christ. But I don't think he must be stripped of raw emotion or "tamed" to be a good dad, either.
I agree with your point here. I do have a question, do you think that it lessens the respect that a child has for their mother, if the behavior (slacking on chores, talking back) is not firmly and strongly addressed by the mother at the time? I could be missing the point, and maybe you are saying that it should be, but then the father will also back up the mother when he gets home (which I also agree with). Just a curious question from someone who is not a mother, so I obviously don't have experience in this department.
I think that every relationship can and should be unique. Just as we value what makes our kids special, they will value what makes each parent special and cultivate a relationship (and respect) that reflects that.