You Won't Regret Another Baby

I've never met a woman who wished she had fewer children, but I've met plenty of Christians who've bought the world's lie about kids

The narrative is wrong, friends.

I can’t say it any more plainly than that.

I know a lot of women. A lot. Our ministry has given me a wider circle than most, encompassing women around the globe. I have friends who are undeniably wealthy, and those who live in poverty in nations the UN has designated as among the world’s most poor. And never once has a mother confided in me that they wish they had decided not to add to their family. On the flip side, I’ve known many— hundreds, I’ll say— in the opposite direction. Women who lost their fertility earlier than expected, women who were unable to give birth or adopt, women whose husbands drew the line at one or two or five. I’ve spent hours hearing from women who would have loved another go at being called momma.

But I’ve never sat beside a woman who has drawn a line through her family as it stands, portioning off the kids she wants from the ones she could do without.

So the question, “Should I have another baby?” is easily—if anecdotally— answered by saying, “Yeah, you probably should.”

This is not what the world tells you. Right now, a video is circling where some famous person who I couldn’t pick out of a line up says, “All of my friends who have kids are in hell.” This is the general take on children in general: they’re hard work, they’re not worth the effort, they interfere with all the good, important business of living life on your own terms. Naturally, as Christians, we reject this narrative. We know that God is the author of life and that Jesus died not so that we could spend more time traveling to exotic locales to be photographed doing yoga poses in front of amazing sunsets, but so that we can share the Gospel with those perishing in their own sin. It’s a no brainer that the church stands for children and for life.

Except… there’s no difference in the rate of Christians versus non-Christians asking, “Should I have another baby?”

Because the church has become an echo chamber of culture, reminding parents and parents-to-be of the drawbacks of having children. More children means less time in ministry. Fewer chances to dig deep into God’s Word in a quiet house. More complications when it comes to taking part in well, anything. From the pulpit, pastors make jokes about bearing the burden of their children, and in the newsletter, the children’s director begs for more volunteers to staff the nursery. Is it any wonder, then, that the question is asked?

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!

—Psalm 127:3-5

“Should I have another baby?” is never asked in the Bible. That’s because children are seen as something so clearly desirable that no one in their right mind would think to ask. “Should I cash this million dollar check I received?” “Should I stay healthy?” They’re not serious inquiries. We know what any sane person would say, and it’s yes.

Critics reject this logic. “Having children is different! It’s not the same as winning something or living a longer, fuller life, because you have to sacrifice, too.” Yes. Yes, you do. And that’s a point worth examining.

Pregnancy, birth, the years spent discipling and feeding and clothing children… they have a cost. Money, time— they are finite. And the pie that is sliced with an eye towards satisfying the appetite of self clearly makes no allowances for feeding a ravenous teenager or spending hours reading picture books to a curious toddler. It is not common for parents to spend weeks in Europe solo, or to have a favorite Saturday morning routine that involves walking to a local coffee shop with whatever book they’re reading and spending a leisurely hour sipping amidst the ambiance with a latte and scone. Even things a smaller family might manage, like casual dinners out on occasion, or better brands of clothing for growing bodies, become out of reach at a certain point in the spectrum of family size. Stop while you’re ahead, the math says. Don’t extend yourself too far.

But, friends, aren’t we called by Christ to dive off the deep end?

For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.

—Romans 8:13

Yes, there is a sacrifice in having another baby. There will be 40 more weeks of sharing your body, physically, with another human in a process over which you have no control. There will be the agony of birth, something born only by you. There will be the long weeks of insane highs and gutting lows post-partum. There will be diapers and breasts that feel foreign and so many hormonal shifts you might just think you’ll lose your mind. Then, too, there will be tantrums and talking back and throwing sand and chasing the dog. There will be lies and broken treasures and nightmarish moments when your child’s breath catches and you wait, counting, for him or her to scream so that you know they are still alive. There will be fights and disobedience and disappointments galore, and hurt feelings and misunderstandings and so much more.

All this— to meet another human who just might be the one holding your hand when you take your last breath. All this— to raise the parents of your grandchildren. All this— to walk daily in the privilege of sharing the Gospel with someone who might look to you in eternity and say, “Mother.”

Should you have another baby? Ultimately, that is a question for you and your husband to ask God. Seek His will. Humble yourself. Quit asking the world, the internet, the media. Having a child isn’t in the same arena as choosing a new wall color. Keep it sacred. And remember: no one ever regrets a child they have, only the ones they didn’t. That might be a good place to start your prayer.

In Christ,

Heather