This was such a timely read. Sitting in my children’s doctors office I was looking over the BMI chart they had on the wall and for my height and weight I was on the upper end of the “obesity” scale. I’m 5’4” 170lbs just a little over four months postpartum with my 5th babe. Four of which have been born in the past 6 years and I’ve breastfed them all, I have literally been breastfeeding since 2018 nonstop. Reading that chart I felt pearlized and hopeless. I felt like I could never reach the “healthy” weight laid out for me because cutting my diet would cut my milk supply and I am already eating only Whole Foods in moderation and aside from doing a workout program I can’t get any more active then I already am chasing around my 4y, 2y and 4 month old while educating my 6y and 12y. I take my stairs at least a dozen times a day with laundry, sleeping toddles or babies to lay in their beds and walk parks for hours with the kids during the summer. I began to feel like my only option would be some (insane to me) weight loss pill but I can’t do that until I’m done breastfeeding so I gave up on myself and have felt so much shame having to buy clothing that is large or x-large. All this to say, thank you for your kind and wise words… my weary soul needed them.
Every bit of this has been me in different seasons. Accepting all the changes that God brings into our lives (and our bodies) is so stretching and refining.
Yes, sister. Same. Also 8 months postpartum with my 5th and 5’4 at about 165. This time around, I’m learning to love these curves that came with this baby. I’ve always had an athletic build because I danced my whole life and I struggled to gain weight. That changed rather quickly and I found myself unhappy with the weight gain. But her very words are things The Lord washed over me a few months ago. You are not alone, it’s a journey 🩷
I love this post! Thank you for taking the time to write this in such a vulnerable way. I am 30 and overweight but have dealt with a lot in my life so far, only coming to faith last year and still learning my way with God. But my chronic illness and excess weight is extremely distressing so I am also looking to lose weight but trying to accept it cannot be with the goal to “look better” but to steward my body better and FEEL better! Currently I have a hard time loving and accepting the body I’m in, especially believing that my husband finds me attractive. When we met (17yrs old) I was a skinny confident size 8. I’m now 30 years old and size 16/18. I’ve only had one child and one miscarriage. It’s been so upsetting to see my body get bigger, it feels so against any kind of beauty standards to the point where I just want to blend into the shadows and never be seen again.
So posts like this are appreciated more than I could ever explain 🥰❤️thank you!
I was 17 when I met my husband— 5’9” and a size 12. My wedding dress (age 21) was a 14. I’m not sure where I’ll feel best size-wise but I’m guessing a 16. I NEVER would have said that at 30, friend. I can give myself that grace NOW. I wish I had extended it to myself earlier.
It’s so wonderful that you’re able to use your experience to help others, I tell myself that about my miscarriage. I hope you don’t think that’s an insensitive thing to say. And also wonderful you’ve been able to reflect so well and learn and grow and understand who you are to be kinder to yourself. That’s the way I believe we can steward our bodies well. Being harsh, cruel and mean to ourselves I believe gets us nowhere and is never what God wants for us. I hope other women learn that too ❤️
Has your husband always been kind & attracted to you throughout your weight fluctuations? My husband had a really hard time after I gave birth and said he wasn’t set up well to expect my body to be so different. He’s a lot nicer about it 8 years later
I’ll be 100% transparent— bedroom stuff has rarely been an issue for us! We extremely blessed in that we’ve remained attracted and (ahem) *active* always.
This was a wonderful read. As a lady who has also never been “modern standard” thin—but always been healthy, I felt this. So many years I’ve spent feeling wistful at the body I didn’t have, neglecting gratitude for the body I DO have! Thank you for writing this. Blessings!
I appreciate the balance you set between the two common extremes when it comes to viewing our bodies. There is a genuine need for us to care for our bodies with good food and movement (rather than embracing complete excess) AND healthy needs to be the goal (not “skinny”). Having better mental clarity, being strong, and having energy to be active with our kids are far better goals than being a certain pant or dress size.
I have always been small, but not very strong except for brief periods, and I have multiple chronic illnesses. I am often frustrated with my body, but God gave me the body He did. Reading things like this helps so much. We are encouraged to be so obsessive about our bodies as women in this culture and it’s unhealthy. Even if you’re thin, you’d better not be “skinny fat” or low muscle tone. If you’re not thin you’re doing something wrong. If you’re not curvy you’re a “stick” or unattractive. These standards are constantly changing and inconsistent, but God’s standards are always the same. To love God and our neighbor and to do His will. To cultivate humility. Not to starve ourselves until we’re the “perfect” weight or follow the latest trends.
Hear! Hear! This is a persistent conversation with my 13-year-old daughter as she compares herself to the other 13-year-old girls she sees. We are NOT delicate flowers in our family, we descend from a line of hardworking and work-hardy women, but that does not give us an excuse to abuse the body that God has given us.
This is beautifully written, thank you. I’m constantly finding myself battling the thoughts of “I’m a mother now - I have much more to worry about than my looks” and also “I want to set the best example for my daughter and (soon to be born) son; I want to show them a godly and disciplined life.”
I love this!! How many of us fight thru this on a day by day basis? And yes, i need to ask my Creator what I am supposed to look like and help me get there! Thank you! From one farm girl to another
We can even be 45 year-olds mourning our last days of fertility and watching what the world called our beauty fade into middle age.
this is incredibly depressing to me. how does one cope with losing the 2 things that are most valuable to women? and i'm deeply ashamed my husband will notice and not be attracted anymore. it's all so demeaning
I think we can not only cope, but thrive as we discover that other things are more valuable—our G-D, our children, our work at home and in the community, growing our minds, serving our church family, etc.
Heather as someone who has struggled with the world’s picture of the health body, i felt so affirmed by your words. I nodded and smiled and agreed out loud. Thank you for your example of Godly wisdom. I want more women like us to be witnesses to our daughter’s and grand daughters of God’s grace and shining smile of approval just the way we are… fluffy and confident Mamas raising a generation to love Jesus.
Come on! God is not that tough! So he made u to be fluffy. So what. You can beat him. I mean who is more stronger, you or him. Just stop eating almost everything and exercise like ur pulling blocks up ramps to build the pyramids.
What if God wants you chubby? So you can be thin in spite of God.
But these potato chips are soo salty!
Maybe I’ll arm wrestle my creator tomorrow?
Pass me another fudge nut ball. And let’s talk some more about how you and me can be thin any day we want to. And who is God to tell us no?
But pass me the lucky charms first. All this new found determination has me starving!
This was such a timely read. Sitting in my children’s doctors office I was looking over the BMI chart they had on the wall and for my height and weight I was on the upper end of the “obesity” scale. I’m 5’4” 170lbs just a little over four months postpartum with my 5th babe. Four of which have been born in the past 6 years and I’ve breastfed them all, I have literally been breastfeeding since 2018 nonstop. Reading that chart I felt pearlized and hopeless. I felt like I could never reach the “healthy” weight laid out for me because cutting my diet would cut my milk supply and I am already eating only Whole Foods in moderation and aside from doing a workout program I can’t get any more active then I already am chasing around my 4y, 2y and 4 month old while educating my 6y and 12y. I take my stairs at least a dozen times a day with laundry, sleeping toddles or babies to lay in their beds and walk parks for hours with the kids during the summer. I began to feel like my only option would be some (insane to me) weight loss pill but I can’t do that until I’m done breastfeeding so I gave up on myself and have felt so much shame having to buy clothing that is large or x-large. All this to say, thank you for your kind and wise words… my weary soul needed them.
Every bit of this has been me in different seasons. Accepting all the changes that God brings into our lives (and our bodies) is so stretching and refining.
Yes, sister. Same. Also 8 months postpartum with my 5th and 5’4 at about 165. This time around, I’m learning to love these curves that came with this baby. I’ve always had an athletic build because I danced my whole life and I struggled to gain weight. That changed rather quickly and I found myself unhappy with the weight gain. But her very words are things The Lord washed over me a few months ago. You are not alone, it’s a journey 🩷
I love this post! Thank you for taking the time to write this in such a vulnerable way. I am 30 and overweight but have dealt with a lot in my life so far, only coming to faith last year and still learning my way with God. But my chronic illness and excess weight is extremely distressing so I am also looking to lose weight but trying to accept it cannot be with the goal to “look better” but to steward my body better and FEEL better! Currently I have a hard time loving and accepting the body I’m in, especially believing that my husband finds me attractive. When we met (17yrs old) I was a skinny confident size 8. I’m now 30 years old and size 16/18. I’ve only had one child and one miscarriage. It’s been so upsetting to see my body get bigger, it feels so against any kind of beauty standards to the point where I just want to blend into the shadows and never be seen again.
So posts like this are appreciated more than I could ever explain 🥰❤️thank you!
I was 17 when I met my husband— 5’9” and a size 12. My wedding dress (age 21) was a 14. I’m not sure where I’ll feel best size-wise but I’m guessing a 16. I NEVER would have said that at 30, friend. I can give myself that grace NOW. I wish I had extended it to myself earlier.
It’s so wonderful that you’re able to use your experience to help others, I tell myself that about my miscarriage. I hope you don’t think that’s an insensitive thing to say. And also wonderful you’ve been able to reflect so well and learn and grow and understand who you are to be kinder to yourself. That’s the way I believe we can steward our bodies well. Being harsh, cruel and mean to ourselves I believe gets us nowhere and is never what God wants for us. I hope other women learn that too ❤️
Has your husband always been kind & attracted to you throughout your weight fluctuations? My husband had a really hard time after I gave birth and said he wasn’t set up well to expect my body to be so different. He’s a lot nicer about it 8 years later
I’ll be 100% transparent— bedroom stuff has rarely been an issue for us! We extremely blessed in that we’ve remained attracted and (ahem) *active* always.
This was a wonderful read. As a lady who has also never been “modern standard” thin—but always been healthy, I felt this. So many years I’ve spent feeling wistful at the body I didn’t have, neglecting gratitude for the body I DO have! Thank you for writing this. Blessings!
Healthy should always be our goal. The idea of a “perfect” weight is as ludicrous as a “perfect” height!
Amen to this! All of it!!
I appreciate this Heather. Thank you for being you!
Thank you for encouraging me today!
I appreciate the balance you set between the two common extremes when it comes to viewing our bodies. There is a genuine need for us to care for our bodies with good food and movement (rather than embracing complete excess) AND healthy needs to be the goal (not “skinny”). Having better mental clarity, being strong, and having energy to be active with our kids are far better goals than being a certain pant or dress size.
I have always been small, but not very strong except for brief periods, and I have multiple chronic illnesses. I am often frustrated with my body, but God gave me the body He did. Reading things like this helps so much. We are encouraged to be so obsessive about our bodies as women in this culture and it’s unhealthy. Even if you’re thin, you’d better not be “skinny fat” or low muscle tone. If you’re not thin you’re doing something wrong. If you’re not curvy you’re a “stick” or unattractive. These standards are constantly changing and inconsistent, but God’s standards are always the same. To love God and our neighbor and to do His will. To cultivate humility. Not to starve ourselves until we’re the “perfect” weight or follow the latest trends.
Hear! Hear! This is a persistent conversation with my 13-year-old daughter as she compares herself to the other 13-year-old girls she sees. We are NOT delicate flowers in our family, we descend from a line of hardworking and work-hardy women, but that does not give us an excuse to abuse the body that God has given us.
This is beautifully written, thank you. I’m constantly finding myself battling the thoughts of “I’m a mother now - I have much more to worry about than my looks” and also “I want to set the best example for my daughter and (soon to be born) son; I want to show them a godly and disciplined life.”
I love this!! How many of us fight thru this on a day by day basis? And yes, i need to ask my Creator what I am supposed to look like and help me get there! Thank you! From one farm girl to another
This was a wonderful read.. Thank you so much for sharing!
Needing to hear this as a young mom who just had a baby ❤️
We can even be 45 year-olds mourning our last days of fertility and watching what the world called our beauty fade into middle age.
this is incredibly depressing to me. how does one cope with losing the 2 things that are most valuable to women? and i'm deeply ashamed my husband will notice and not be attracted anymore. it's all so demeaning
I think we can not only cope, but thrive as we discover that other things are more valuable—our G-D, our children, our work at home and in the community, growing our minds, serving our church family, etc.
Heather as someone who has struggled with the world’s picture of the health body, i felt so affirmed by your words. I nodded and smiled and agreed out loud. Thank you for your example of Godly wisdom. I want more women like us to be witnesses to our daughter’s and grand daughters of God’s grace and shining smile of approval just the way we are… fluffy and confident Mamas raising a generation to love Jesus.
Come on! God is not that tough! So he made u to be fluffy. So what. You can beat him. I mean who is more stronger, you or him. Just stop eating almost everything and exercise like ur pulling blocks up ramps to build the pyramids.
What if God wants you chubby? So you can be thin in spite of God.
But these potato chips are soo salty!
Maybe I’ll arm wrestle my creator tomorrow?
Pass me another fudge nut ball. And let’s talk some more about how you and me can be thin any day we want to. And who is God to tell us no?
But pass me the lucky charms first. All this new found determination has me starving!
Tnks love.
Frankie Love.
Well said, thank you!