Thankful For What I Don't Have

Paid Subscriber Only Flashback (2002)

Me in 2002 with 2 year-old Mathäus and 7 month-old Jack.

First published November, 2017. This is a Subscriber Only Flashback.

So much of this holiday is focused on the many, many gifts and blessings with which we have been showered. And while yes, technically we ought to be hitting our knees in praise for these things every day, I'm not going to suggest that setting aside one, specific day is bad. Not at all.

This year, though, as I've listed to myself the various ways in which I have felt the Lord's favor, I realized how rarely I take the time to see His hand not only in what I have, but also in what I don't.

See, God has chosen a specific path for me. And for every "yes" He whispers, there is a corresponding, "no." It's hard sometimes to look at those things we don't have and see them as something for which we should give thanks, but the truth is they are every much a part of God's blessing to us as the things He does put in our reach.

So what am I thankful for this year?

I'm thankful I don't have a job. While I know our monthly budget (and retirement) would look much more robust, I'm so grateful that we took the path of sketchy finances and that I've been able to spend almost two decades being the mom who is never more than a few steps away at a moment's notice. No paycheck could ever replace the precious, brief years of my children's lives.

I'm thankful having children hasn't always been easy. No, those years of longing and loss weren't ones I'd like to repeat. But the Lord taught me so many lessons in that season that I know His plan for me was, indeed, good. Not only that, but I am so much more appreciative of our family having realized that each and every member truly comes from His hand, and not my will or my husband's.

I'm thankful we don't have a vacation savings account. I know myself too well; if we had a little nest egg of money accruing all year long towards a nice little getaway, I'd put more emphasis on that "quality time" rather than being present in the glorious mundane of "quantity time" afforded to me by the simple act of being here, day in and day out.

I'm thankful I don't have a big house. For our family, love truly grows best in little houses. We did the "big house" thing in North Carolina, spreading out in a 3,000 square foot rental. Guess what? It was more to clean and less togetherness. I'll take less space and more love any day.

I'm thankful I don't have the perfect family. And no, I'm not just talking 2.5 kids—although there's certainly that! I'm truly thankful that I have the chance to be refined every day by the people the Lord has placed around me. I'm grateful I get to grow in grace, and an in patience, and in putting others before myself. I'm grateful that we all get to practice serving in love and forgiving those who have wronged us.

I'm thankful my kids aren't all "normal." While I would love to have no need for my "Mother of a Child with Special Needs" hat, I also know that this entire family has learned more about the depths of love than I ever thought possible with the simple addition of one non-neurotypical little boy to the mix. Would I wish away God's gift in that? Not a chance.

We each have so much to be thankful for. What are are you grateful to NOT have this year?

In Christ,

Heather