"I Hope You Told Them Where To Get Off"

Why I don't, and what I do instead

I’ve been sharing on IG about a recent interaction in which someone who really, really doesn’t like the idea of what the medical community calls geriatric pregnancy. (In case you’re in the dark, a geriatric pregnancy is any one in which the mother is over age 35.) This person slammed me for being selfish, and suggesting that there ought to be a law against such things.

I’m glad there isn’t, because four of my kids were the result of geriatric pregnancies. To be precise, I was a geriatric grand multipara when I had Birdie, Simon, Jude, and Alice. But I digress.

Saying there ought to be a law about nearly anything is likely to send red flags soaring in my mind, but outlawing something that was once normative escalates it to a whole new level. And when the commenter is someone who clearly spews a lot of “facts” that aren’t, well… my teeth clench.

In sharing the confrontation with others, the response I heard most often was, “I hope you told them where to get off and how to mind their own business!” And you know what?

I didn’t.

Not because I’m too polite or I’m scared to. I actually have a long history of nastiness for which I was decidedly infamous in college. Confession time: As the college newspaper editor, I once stood in a hallway and berated a fellow student over what I deemed an insufficient action until she cried. I was known for my brazenness and, at the time, saw it as a sign of my power and intellectual acumen. So am I unable to deal with a pesky online hater? Nope.

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” —Jame 1:19-20

When I fully surrendered my life to Christ (which was well after I had repented of my sins!), I took a hard look at myself and didn’t like what I saw. All of that courage and “ballsy feminism” I had been so proud of suddenly was revealed for the self-serving anger and manipulation it actually was. It was then that I grabbed hold of the book of James and began applying it to my life. First, I addressed my public actions. I’m ashamed to say that it wasn’t until later that I saw the way I was using my words in my marriage and parenting and asked God to humble me even further and help me truly tame my heart and, by extension, my tongue.

In any confrontation, the temptation is there to win the acknowledgement that you’re right. But what I’ve learned is that you’re never going to get that. Not really. No one is swayed by our harsh words. We can verbally beat someone into submission, or batter them with an angry, “Well, you’re an idiot if you think that!”

But righteousness cannot flow from that which is sin to begin with.

Instead, when we choose to simply share our conviction and give a reason for the hope we have, we might just plant a seed that someday bears fruit for Christ. I’m not saying it’s not hard. Blessing the people who seem to stand the farthest from the Truth, those who mock our faith or worse, does not come naturally. But every follower of Christ knows that we were once lost, too. Opening our eyes to see those who deride us this way can give us the opportunity to speak life into an angry, hurting person.

And of course, maybe it doesn’t. But friend… you will not have sinned in your anger. And that is no small thing, either!

So no, I didn’t tell the online heckler to jump off a cliff. What would you have done?

In Christ,

Heather