Being a Mother Isn't Enough, pt 1

If you want your life to echo into generations, you must embrace more than motherhood.

The question, at its core, was how to become the kind of woman who imparts wisdom, faith, and love to the next generation. I knew that what was wanted was an outline of the things Mamaw and I did together. How often did she take me to church? (Every Sunday.) When did we do most of our talking? (She ran a constant narration.) Did she correct gently? (No, she had as sharp a tongue as most of those of her generation.)

That was what was wanted, but what was needed was something entirely different.

See, there’s a reason why woman like my Mamaw are such rare treasures. I am an outlier even in my own generation (X); Mamaw saw herself as a woman—and she embodied everything she understood that to mean.

My father and his twin brother were born in 1949, just 4 years after the end of WWII. The war didn’t really touch their corner of the Appalachians; though Papaw was too young to have served, he had older brothers who were of age. But these men had no birth certificates, no official papers. They lived too deep in the hollers for the government to come calling and, as such, they were never registered for the draft. They didn’t leave to fight, their wives weren’t called on to man factories, and life went on as it always had.

That line matters more than you think. Because nothing changed, the old ways endured. And the old ways didn’t have women leaving the house to make themselves useful. Their multi-faceted role was already invaluable to the family and the community. Why would she need to have a paycheck to confirm what everyone already knew?

So Mamaw didn’t work outside of her home. When I was born, she was still in her 40s. Her boys had all been raised, but she didn’t consider her work to be done. She didn’t sign up to sell Tupperware or Mary Kay. She didn’t consider taking classes to learn shorthand or medical transcribing. She wasn’t casting around looking for the next thing to set her hands to to make her earn her keep or make a mark on the world. She knew exactly how God’s economy functioned for women as they advanced from one season to the next, and she was prepared and eager to step into that place.

Contrast that with our current state. Even among those of us who value motherhood enough to throw ourselves wholly into it, we see this time as a pause. We were something before, we will be something again. But right now, right here, while these hands are small enough to fit into my own, I am a mother.

Mamaw never saw motherhood itself as a sacred space. It was her entire femininity that she valued, the complete role she embraced. Being a mother was a piece of it, yes. But there was so much more and, as such— it was a lifelong gift that she wouldn’t have traded for anything. She was a believer, a mentor, a homemaker, a lover, a cook, a friend, and so much more. When her boys left home, that small section of her daily life ended, but her plate was still full to overflowing.

Nowadays, motherhood defines us and takes up all of our time. We define ourselves by how we parent, what we allow and don’t, what methods we ascribe to when it comes to disciplining our kids, how well they turn out (by the world’s standards). Motherhood is our everything for a handful of fleeting years, and afterwards? We are left staring into the chasm of “What now?” It’s no wonder the voices of the world can draw us aside from that tender pull of the Holy Spirit that asks us to remember Titus 2 and become more. Because we have never tasted the full value of who we are as women, we can’t imagine that something as sweet as holding a baby exists. And yet, it does.

God has more for us. He isn’t through with us when our fertility fades and our children are grown. He opens a new door, and welcomes us to a celebrated place where we can take stock of all the wisdom He has allowed us to accrue and become the voice that speaks love, life, and encouragement over those who walk behind us.

Up next, we’ll talk about what this actually looks like, drawing from the life of my Mamaw.

In Christ,

Heather